Bad days

Today is a bad day for my hubby. I can tell after he wakes up. Bad days don't change into good days for him. He struggles everyday just to move. People would be surprised to know just how much his brain injury damaged his memory and mental state. He doesn't just have one or two mental illnesses. He has a total of five. Sure there is medicine. Though medicine may manage one mental illness, it causes so many other side effects. One would think, by now, the big pharmacy companies have that down to a science. Ha! Mental health medicine is usually found after the medicine was developed for a completely different issue.

When someone is having a bad day from mental health, you can't say " Oh, keep your chin up. It will get better if you don't wallow in it." You can't force your postivity on them either. Because this is their life, not yours. You may be happy to hear those things and they uplift you. For someone that's going through a struggle, it's more depressing than helpful.

Brain injury victims, for the most part and from what I have experienced, are emotionally delayed and can't exactly explain why they feel so bad. It takes a bit for him to process what's going on. He can't explain to me, in the moment, how exactly he feels. As a caregiver, what do you do?

You listen. Eventually, they will talk. This is very opposite of what I want to do. My first instinct is to  ask question after question because I want to help make him feel better immediately. This approach backfires as it makes him feel cornered. We can't make them talk. We can't fix or help them through every bad feeling they have. Sometimes we just have to be still, be silent, and wait.

Try to help them remember a good memory. Simple as it is, a cassette player did the trick the other day. My hubby has tons of tapes. Since that method of music is almost obsolete, cassette players are difficult to find. A few weeks ago, he found some in storage that he wanted to listen too. I found my 20 yr old tape player but it didn't work. So, I found one on Amazon. When he opened up the player and put a tape in, his face was priceless. You would've thought it was Christmas. I hadn't seen him smile like that in forever. Since music is his link to good memories, that cheap little tape player is his most prized possession right now.

Here's a good read: Brain Injury Is....